resolution
Signed the papers yesterday, I now have half a year left to learn to love Japan.
Which, in the end, is pretty much why I’m leaving; I cherish parts of my life, I value my independent lifestyle, I enjoy having my own apartment, I love the people who have become dear to me, I’ll miss the food when I leave, I grok the understatedness of Japanese communication, I’ve learned to sing, I appreciate the high standard of attention to comfort and detail, and I’m grateful for everything my job has taught me.
I am also a borderline neurotic high-tension wire, tired of the suspicion of fatness that has leaked into my consciousness from being surrounded by tiny Japanese women, choking on the kerosene fumes that are probably taking years off my life. Japan is taking a toll on my health. It’s time to go.
It seems like a good time to make a new year’s resolution, or pontificate about making one at the very least. My best new year’s resolution was in 2002. That was the one where I vowed, out loud at 2 AM on January 1st, that I wasn’t going to put up with any more bullshit as dished by various roommates and so-called friends.
It was a good plan. It inspired me to stop feeling sorry for myself, flip the offending parties the bird and laugh in their faces, write a manifesto letter that opened the door of a cage in my heart, and sign myself up spontaneously for a trip to India. It inspired me so much, in fact, that this year I think I’ll resolve something too. I’m not sure I can ever top the far-reaching awesomeness of Resolution ‘02, but here goes:
I resolve to do something with myself this year that takes me in a direction. And by that somewhat vague declaration I mean; I’ve been doing pretty well with Japan. It’s taught me all kinds of things about teaching, conquering stage-fright, and about what I want from a job. I know now that I want control of my job, whatever it is, and I want a job more socially interactive than I might have admitted a couple years ago.
Now, knowing this, it’s time to move in a direction with it, either towards further study and grad school, or a job that serves my wants. It’s time.
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