birthing
Two times in two months that I’ve heard the same comment about childbirth is making me think about my stance on a particular liberated-woman-sensitive-man theory I’d accepted without much thought.
This theory is that both parents should be able to share equally in the birth of their child, from the beginning, and also that a strong man will be there through all of it, from the beginning, because wincing at the sight of blood and pain is wimpy and a poor excuse for missing out on the miracle of childbirth. With that thought in mind, there is a law in the United States called the
Family and Medical Leave Act that is supposed to provide men and women with equal rights to take time off and attend their newborn.
In Japan, I’m pretty sure there is no law of this kind, and not much call for it. According to a Japanese man interviewed by Absolutely Tokyo, it wasn’t the office keeping him from attending his baby’s birth, it was just common knowledge that a man has no business being there. Here women traditionally move back home in the end of pregnancy to be with their mothers during delivery and first months of infancy.
Anyway, I was with AbsTok in her shock at the man’s reasoning (”to see a woman screaming ‘gaaaaaaaaaahhhh’ and giving birth, with all that blood and nakedness, destroys a marriage”) and dismissed it as typical Japanese living in a bygone era-ness.
But then I read the same thought expressed by a woman over at Opinionistas. To quote a quote, O’s med student friend in residency told her “I’ll give you some advice…if you do end up giving birth the regular way, don’t let your husband stand at your feet. No way should he ever see something come out of you like that. He’ll never look at you the same way again afterwards. I’m sorry but it’s true.â€?
Anyway, I still believe firmly that men, women and the baby can all benefit from equal sharing in baby’s first months, but I have to admit it makes me wonder about a man’s place in the delivery itself. All-inclusive, nobody left out, men in the room with the doctors, versus keeping a few mysteries behind veils…what do men think of this anyway? That’s an opinion I’d like to hear.
Having kids sounds scary, any way you spin it. My friend is on her second baby, due any day now and I don’t envy her. Maybe in a couple years I will. For now I’ll stick with kissing, my sex ed teacher told me you can’t get pregnant that way (and it helps your allergies).
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Americans are also living in a bygone era. Except for that bit about it being “gone”, anyway. This one made the rounds of the feminist blogosphere a while back; I like Belle Waring’s take on it:
Also, this totally justifies my policy of farting really loudly in front of boyfriends and then giggling about it: if they can’t deal with me farting, there’s no way they’ll be able to handle more intense biological reality. I don’t want kids, but what if I develop severe gastrointestinal problems or something? Any long-term partner of mine is going to have to deal with the possibility of me having serious medical mess, with which I will require some help and support, and then getting better and wanting to have sex again.
Yeah, pretty much. I think what I was thinking is, it would be nice to have a close-knit and supportive group of women who could help you through an experience like that, in fact I think that’s the appeal of a midwife. But in a real-world room full of doctors I would want my closest people supporting me and if that doesn’t include my partner it’s probably not a good sign.