stress manifest
I like to eat. I have a bad habit of indulging in a slightly tastier dinner with a couple more little side-bites of somethings during times of low-level ongoing stress, particularly when I need to do some serious, down-to-business procrastinating, like right now for example, in school.
It’s not a good thing, stress-eating, and what makes it so insidious is that it’s not a 100% bad habit. Unlike smoking or drinking or gambling, you have to eat. But if you don’t want to get fat, and if your idea of being in good shape is that you can still propel yourself from the couch in one relatively smooth motion, then you have to be somewhat mindful of eating reasonably.
It’s not that I don’t eat well–I’m vegetarian, I don’t keep snacks around, I don’t even like most sugary treats and never have them in the house, and I rarely indulge the juices, sodas, or any kind of dessert. My weakness is creamy things, like avocado, butter, cheese, mayonnaise, half & half, and the very occasional taste of Bailey’s. My great love on this earth is pasta in all its forms, especially when combined with cheese, butter, or cream. You get the idea.
There’s no way to say no to these things, and saying no isn’t really the point anyway because even if I tried for awhile, I would have to eat something, and most likely I would plunge back into my favorites with redoubled zest. Besides, all addicts know that self-denial never works.
Calorie and point-counting doesn’t work either. It may help, in order to figure out how much you should reasonably consume, and therefore how much you need to NOT eat, but it doesn’t offer very good motivation besides the usual self-scolding and willpower, see what I did? See how much I lost? See how I’m keeping it off? Yeah, right, do you really think I’m stupid enough to be tricked? And for that matter, do I really want to work within a system that’s based on deluding myself into thinking there is a simple fix?
There is no simple fix.
For many women, who are the biggest demographic of emotional eaters, at least a couple of times per week they find themselves standing in front of the stove at dinner thinking, what the heck, I’ll just throw in an extra bit of this, and one more of those tonight–I’m hungry, I’m tired, I just want it, etc.
Here’s the question: Why do you want it? Is it your body craving sustenance, or your emotions making you want something to chew on? Choose a or b.
If you chose b (you chose b, the answer is always b), the next step is to analyze those emotions, and this part is hard. You might decide; work is what’s bothering me. In that case, what about work? A variety of things? Write them down, write a rant, really stew about it, but write it all down.
Now refine what you’ve written into a sentence. Then craft a haiku. This is the problem. This is what is making you want to consume a little more comfort, above and beyond your body’s hunger.
Here’s what I think: the key to managing the amount you consume is to understand why you are eating, and the thing you are trying to understand is the emotional construct which has built up inside of your mind, manifesting in your body’s desires, like a swelling wave, causing you to run for higher ground at the top of a taller pile of dinner.
Are you still craving extras? If not, don’t eat them. If so, then eat the extra and enjoy, but understand why you are eating. Know thyself, said Socrates. This is not a program for denying yourself, this is, quite simply, a reminder to be fully aware of the reasons. And by the way, everything changes, so remember that tomorrow you’re going to have to know thyself all over again.
It doesn’t end; there is no stasis or balance point or quitting. This is what makes food unlike other addictions. People’s relationship to their bodily fuel is necessarily dynamic, changing with location, seasons, age, pregnancy, illness, and state of mind. You can’t hope to separate food from emotions, for the two are entwined, and to dull the emotional aspect would inevitably dull the enjoyment of beloved tastes and associations as well. This is why even the most carefully calculated formula of points will forever remain an artificial illustration of an idealized relationship, a set of restrictions imposed from outside. It is doomed to fail because few people can maintain such a loveless relationship with food for long.
You don’t have to set goals, or stop, or do less, or be better. You just have to understand and accept, and then change will come.
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